


Goodnight Ambassador

by Splerben



Category: Lexark - Fandom, clexa - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Smut, Soulmates AU, Zombies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:08:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Splerben/pseuds/Splerben
Summary: Elyza Lex, post-apocalyptic badass of the century, lives in a zombie ridden world, cursed with the memory of her past life as Clarke Griffin, to include her memories of her one true love Lexa Woods. When Alicia Clark shows up one day, Elyza immediately recognizes her soulmate and is determined to protect her with her life, even though Alicia doesn't remember a single thing from their past life together.





	1. Green Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is in response to a soulmates prompt I got on Tumblr a long time ago. It proposed a world in which Elyza Lex remembers being Clarke Griffin, but Alicia Clark doesn't remember anything. I wrote a small prompt and decided it needing a beginning and an end, so here I am completing it. I always claim I'm too busy to write and I feel extremely guilty for promising a fic and not delivering, so here it is. Expect some necessary angst, but know that I'm a die hard Clexakru member and only ever want to see happy endings for them. No matter what, I hope you guys enjoy this journey with me.

“One, two, three. That makes three cans of spaghettios, plus four cans of beans, five packets of tuna, and one very old looking can of spam,” Elyza mutters under her breath as she stacks her latest finds on her shelf of stockpiled food, half talking to herself, half talking to her dog Bear. 

“Man, who do I have to sleep with for some damn vegemite around here?” She grabs a can of beans from the front of the shelf and plops herself down on her couch. Well, it’s not technically her couch; it’s the couch she happened to find on the third floor of this old abandoned hardware store that she calls home now, but who really cares about technicalities during the zombie apocalypse? And, even though it may be slightly tattered, she wasn’t going to complain about having a place to rest at night. 

Elyza gently lays her head on one armrest and throws her legs up on the other end. She reaches down to unsheathe her knife, pulling it out, stabbing hole after hole in the top of the can, accidentally catching her hand on the sharp tin lid. 

“Shit!” Bear’s head shoots up to stare at her from his bed. She puts the edge of her hand to her mouth, sucking on the wound slightly, hoping it will stop the bleeding. 

“Hey, maybe it’ll scar, I bet chicks dig scars, huh Bear?” She looks questioningly in his direction and he stares back at her, head cocked to one side. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll always be my main man.” With that reassurance, Bear rests his head back on his paws and closes his eyes, nodding off to sleep for the night.  
Elyza shuts her own eyes momentarily, realizing just how long it’s been since she’s had a solid night of sleep. It wasn’t just because of the zombies that she wasn’t getting sleep; she had plenty of early warning systems set up for an intrusion of the brain munchers. Instead, it was her dreams that kept her awake at night. She had always had vivid dreams when she was younger, some dreams of space, others of a mountain, most of the woods, but she had never fully understood them until recently. Not until she finally saw her face. The face that sparked a memory of a past life. A face she could never forget, no matter how many lifetimes she lived. 

Lexa’s face. 

After that dream, she hasn’t been able to rest, the pain and longing keeping her awake at night. The dreams more vivid than ever. 

She opens her eyes and pries the lid off the can still sitting in her hands, tossing it into her scrap metal pile in the corner of the room. Elyza tips her head back and begins to pour the beans into her mouth. That’s one thing she does enjoy about the apocalypse, she’s perfectly content with throwing etiquette to the wayside. 

She makes sure to only eat half the can of beans, getting up quietly to pour the other half into the bowl set out by Bear’s bed. It’ll be a nice surprise for him in the morning. 

That gets her thinking about her big plans for exploration to the Target to attempt a restock tomorrow. Elyza decides to take a hack at sleeping. She’ll just have to deal with the dreams tonight; she’s going to need some rest if she wants to stand a chance against the braindead flesh snackers in the morning.  
She forcefully kicks off her black combat boots and sheds her jeans, folding them across the back of a chair. If she needs them, they’ll be right there, but she’s not opposed to fighting off zombies in her underwear. Hell, she’s been in a showdown or two before when she’s wished her outfit allowed for a little more flexibility anyway. 

As she throws herself down on the couch, she curls her knees up to her chest, and pulls her blanket down from the back of the couch, silently wishing she was in her past life, pulling Lexa’s fur blankets over her bare legs. She gently closes her eyes again, this time allowing herself to drift off to sleep. 

When she sleeps she dreams of the worst night. She dreams of having to leave Polis, having to leave Lexa. And she dreams of kissing Lexa, she dreams of realizing what this woman meant to her and of forgiving her for any hurtful decisions she made, knowing full well that she would’ve done the same in her situation. Elyza dreams of laying in bed with Lexa tracing her skin, feeling as though the whole world around them stopped. But then she dreams of her whole world stopping. She dreams of losing Lexa. She dreams of trying her best to save her, but still not being good enough. She dreams of having to stare into the face of one more person she loved and having to say goodbye. As Lexa’s eyes close one last time in her dream Elyza hears herself scream. She hates these dreams and the painful memories they bring. She can still hear herself screaming and it jars her awake. 

She sits upright abruptly, her whole body sweating, as she kicks the blanket off of her and onto the floor. She rests her face in her hands and allows herself to silently sob, her entire body shaking, but not making a single noise. 

“Help!!!!” Elyza hears the scream from her dreams again, this time realizing it’s not her who was screaming. Her gaze shoots up from her hands and snaps to the window. 

“Who the fuck is screaming?” Elyza thinks to herself, “They better shut the hell up or they’re going to draw a hoard of those things.” She runs to the window, almost tripping as she gets off the couch, stabilizing herself on a small shelf. She kneels next to her open window and picks up the rifle that she had leaned against the windowsill earlier that day. She holds the scope up to her face and scans the road down below, searching for the source of the commotion. Movement in the distance catches her eye and she focuses on the street corner five blocks down. 

“Oh, its just some dumb girl. Oh hey Bear, she looks like she could be kind of cute. My guess is it’s a trap. Bet she’s running as a decoy with a gang. I’m no fool, I ain’t getting my ass rolled up today.”

As the girl rounds the corner Elyza follows her with her scope, she’s close enough to watch, but just too far to be in range. Not that Elyza was even thinking about shooting her, just an observation she made to herself. She watches as the girl trips and then looks behind her, Elyza follows her stare and that’s when she sees what she’s running from. 

“Oh shit, Bear, she’s not messing around. There’s a hoard hot on her tail.” As the girl reaches the corner three blocks away, Elyza is able to focus in on her details with her scope more clearly. Long tan legs, lean but muscular build, brown curly hair.

“Bear, you’ve gotta see this, she’s only getting cuter the closer she comes.” 

Two blocks away, Elyza focuses her scope one last time.

Bright green eyes. 

Elyza drops her rifle and runs for the door.


	2. Savior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elyza makes her best effort to save her soulmate from trouble. Raven gets to blow some stuff up. And Octavia makes a discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really should be studying, but instead I decided to write a new chapter for you guys. So, at the expense of me avoiding my responsibilities, something I'm far too good at, please enjoy the chapter.

“Stay here Bear!” Elyza reaches the door and opens it, but quickly turns around as Bear barks. 

“Shit boy, I know I know.” She scrambles, reaching for the chair and grabs her pants sliding them on as she hops over to her boots. She shoves her feet inside and hastily ties them. She grabs her leather jacket in one hand and pistol belt in the other and snaps it around her waist as she races out the door, slamming it behind her. At this point she’s in a full on sprint, taking the stairs four at a time trying to don her jacket without tripping. As she bursts through the front door of the hardware store she takes a hard left, grabbing the bottom of a metal garage door, throwing it up to reveal her own personal fleet of vehicles. 

“Hey there baby, we’ve got ourselves a girl to save,” she whispers to her black Harley Sportster as she hops on and starts it, twists the throttle harder than she ever has, and races out onto the street. The tires spin on the concrete and the bike roars off in the direction of a particular damsel in distress. Elyza leans hard to the right, almost catching her knee on the pavement and turns the corner, now faced with one small girl followed by at least three hundred hungry looking limb biters. She throws a leg out as she squeezes her front brake as hard as she can, twisting her lower half, attempting to put all of her body weight into spinning the back tire of the bike around. The tire screeches against the road and she finds herself facing in the opposite direction she had just been riding in. She turns her head over her shoulder, yelling to the brunette still in a full out sprint down the street.

“Get on!” She reaches an arm out and practically pulls the girl onto the seat behind her as she engages the throttle one more time. Elyza feels the girl’s arms instinctively wrap around her waist, nearly squeezing the life out of her. Elyza speeds past the hardware store she calls home, knowing full well she’s going to have to ditch this hoard before she can go back there. 

She takes a peek in her rearview mirror to make sure the hoard was, in fact, still following them. If her plan is going to work, she has to time it perfectly. Elyza swerves down a side road and slows to a stop, continually revving the engine, keeping the hoard moving in their direction. 

“What the hell are you doing? They’re still following us!” Alicia turns to see that the duo has gained some distance from the hoard, but they haven’t gotten away unscathed yet. 

“Relax sweetheart, I know what I’m doing.” Elyza uses one hand to unclip a small black radio from her belt, keeping the other hand on the throttle.

“Reyes you there?!” Elyza shouts into the radio in order to overcome the occasional roar from the engine. 

“Hey E! It’s O, Raven’s in the other room, are you out on your bike? Where was my invite?!” Elyza hears a scream followed by a scuffle and Raven in the background yelling something close to “Give me that damn radio or no sex for a week!”

“Elyza! Hey, what do you need girl?” Finally, the voice she needed to hear. 

“Do you still have that trap set up on the corner of 7th and Pacific?”

“Yeah, of course, haven’t gotten to use it yet, why?”

“Standby for my mark, I’ve got a couple skin lickers on my tail, we’re heading that way.”

“Got it, I’m pulling up cam feeds now...Shit! That’s not a couple, Lyza, that’s a metric fuck ton!”

“Will it still work?”

“Are you doubting my skills? Of course it’ll work. They’re catching up, go now.”

Elyza clips the radio to her jacket and grabs Alicia’s hands wrapping them around her own waist again. She meant for it to be a signal to hold on, but she has to admit, the contact isn’t something she’s opposed to. Elyza grabs the throttle once more and again they’re tearing down the street, the hoard following close behind. Alicia watches the street signs as they pass, 3rd, 4th, 5th, she feels herself squeeze tighter around the stranger’s waist as they get closer. 6th, and there it is, 7th and Pacific. She feels the bike practically rip out from underneath her as her savior once again twists the throttle. 

“Lean with me!” Elyza shouts back to her passenger.

“What?!” Alicia can barely hear her over the engine noise.

“Lean right! Now!” Alicia feels the whole bike tip in one direction and automatically tries to keep them upright. She leans her body to the left, ultimately forcing the duo to continue straight, instead of turning down the alley to their right. At this point Elyza is leaning so far to the right to get the bike to turn down the next side street that the foot-pegs scrape along the pavement, leaving sparks in their trail. Alicia realizes her mistake and throws her whole body weight to the right to help Elyza. Too much, too late. 

Elyza isn’t able to handle the sudden weight shift and the bike continues its tilt to the right. She abandons the handlebars and instead wraps her arms around the girl on the back of her bike, kicking away from it in order to avoid any pinned legs. She pulls Alicia’s body on top of her as they hit the ground. The last thing Elyza’s brain can process is how thankful she is for her leather jacket as she slides several feet along the pavement. She feels her head bounce off the ground and the image of this beautiful girl on top of her is suddenly replaced with blackness. 

Alicia loosens her death grip and pushes herself up onto her hands, hovering over Elyza’s face. She grabs the girl’s jacket lapels and shakes her hard. 

“Hey, we have to go now!” No response. “Shit, shit, shit.” The moans of the hoard grow louder as they’ve had time to gain on the duo. Alicia looks around for an escape route, eyeing an abandoned truck. She crosses her fingers and hopes that its not locked. Alicia reaches down and grabs the neck of Elyza’s jacket, attempting to drag her towards the truck. Her hand brushes against the radio and she remembers this girl’s friends. She grabs the radio and engages the push-to-talk button.

“Hey, uhh, Raven right?” Her voice cracks, but she tries to control it, not wanting to give away how scared she is right now. 

“Hey gorgeous, I’m here, I’ve got you on the street cam. No time for the truck, just cover your ears.”

Alicia kneels next to Elyza’s head and uses her hands to cover her own ears. The next few seconds are a blur, as she feels every last bone in her body shake, her eardrums seeming as though they’re going to burst. She lets out a scream and then collapses to the ground. She’s still conscious but her ears are ringing and she can’t quite focus on anything further than a foot away. Dust fills the air and she finds herself curled up in the fetal position on the ground next to Elyza, coughing up a mixture of dirt, phlegm, and a few drops of blood.

As the dust starts to settle she hears a crackle over the radio.

“You alive?! I can’t see anything. Please tell me you’re still alive!” Alicia reaches for the radio, one hand still covering her right ear. She’s alive, she’s in so much pain she almost wishes she wasn’t, but she’s ultimately thankful she is.

“What the hell was that?”

“Oh my god, thank god you’re still alive. Is Elyza...is Elyza okay? Are the meat puppets all dead?”

“Elyza? Oh, shit, I uhh, I’m not sure, she’s knocked out,” Alicia reaches for Elyza’s wrist, feeling for a pulse, a wave of relief washing over her body when she finds one, “yeah, yeah, she’s okay, she’s still with us.” 

“Okay, stay where you are, O’s already on her way to get you two, maybe find somewhere to...Fuck! No, not fuck...Gun! Shoot now!” Raven can’t get the words out of her mouth in a coherent string fast enough. She watches on her feed linked into the street camera as the top half of a corpse drags itself towards the mystery girl. 

Alicia scrambles to her knees and reaches for Elyza’s pistol, yanking it out of its holster. She points the gun at the zombie, closes her eyes, and pulls the trigger three times. 

‘Click, click, click.’

The corpse reaches for her leg and Alicia responds by throwing a swift kick to its head. 

“Safety!” She hears Raven yelling at her over the radio. Right. Safety. She reaches up with her thumb and flicks the safety off, remembering what Nick had taught her: “Red is dead.”

She pulls the trigger again, missing slightly to the right. She finally just points the gun and pulls as quickly as she can, unloading six shots. Three of which actually hit the zombie. Red is dead. She clicks the safety back on for good measure and holds onto the pistol in case anymore of these creatures decide to stay undead. 

“Nice shooting, I guess. O’s just around the corner now, she’s in a black truck.” Alicia can hear the roar of an engine as she spots the truck hauling ass down the street. 

Octavia pulls up as close as possible so they can load Elyza into the cab. 

“Help me carry her.” Octavia motions for Alicia to grab Elyza’s legs as she grabs under her arms. The two girls lift Elyza into the back seat of the cab and then hop in the front two seats. 

Octavia finally looks over at this girl that Elyza risked herself to save, wondering why she was worth all this fuss. She glances up and down, trying to place where she’s seen this girl before. And that’s when it clicks. Elyza’s drawings. Elyza had told them about her dreams a few months ago. She had drawn picture after picture trying to get the girl from her dreams out of her head. Octavia didn’t fully believe it until now. 

“Holy shit, you’re real.” Octavia ignores the girl’s look of confusion and instead puts the truck into gear and takes off towards their hideout.


	3. You're the One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alicia meets the crew and learns a little bit of their history. Abby is disapproving. And Elyza gets a taste of how hard this is going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long hiatus. I'm finally back from my little desert "vacation". Once again I'm writing this instead of studying; if only writing could be my full time job. Again, I apologize for leaving you all hanging for months, but hopefully I'll be able to update more often now that I'm back.

“Who are you guys?” 

“Girls.”

“What?” Alicia cocks her head to the side, taken aback by the stranger’s response.

“We’re girls.”

Alicia can’t help but let out a sigh as her eyes almost instinctively roll. 

“Obviously,” her voice laden with sarcasm, “So, who are you girls?”

“Well, I’m Octavia Blake, resident badass of the group. The voice on the radio, that’s Raven Reyes, engineering genius, explosives technician, weapons extraordinaire, and my girlfriend, so don’t get any ideas.”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t even dream of it. Like you said, you’re girls, and I’m a straight shooter,” she pauses, afraid she may have offended her second savior of the day, “I…I’m not gay, I mean.” Alicia wearily glances at the girl driving and luckily finds her to be smirking. 

Octavia chuckles as she jerks the steering wheel, turning the truck down into the entrance of a dimly lit parking garage. 

“Do you know how many gay girls I’ve heard that from before?” Octavia’s smirk only growing bigger as she scoffs, “Oh and your savior back there, that’s Elyza, she’s the ringleader of our motley crew. You’re lucky she decided to risk her own neck for you. I wouldn’t have. No offense, I just like my flesh to stay on my bones.”

“None taken,” Alicia could feel goosebumps crawling along her skin as she tried to shake the image of it being eaten off. 

“Why did she save me? Not that I don’t appreciate it…just, why risk her life for a stranger?”

The silence that occupied the next minute while Octavia tried to formulate an answer was heavy. It wasn’t one of those empty silences that lingered simply because nobody had anything worthwhile to say. It was a silence that could be filled with words. Words of war, words of peace. Words of pain and of healing. Words of utter hatred and of undying love. She had heard the entire story from Elyza a million times now. It mostly just held words of regret and heartbreak. But those weren’t words to be spoken by Octavia. No, those words were for Elyza. So for now, she’d keep her mouth shut. 

“Maybe she just thought you were cute enough to rescue. Or maybe she was just bored.” She didn’t mean for the words to be hurtful, but she could almost visibly see the girl sitting next to her wince at her response. 

“Oh.” Alicia rolled her eyes at her own response. Why did she think the girl saved her? What did she expect, had she hoped it was more than that? She didn’t care what these people thought about her. And like she had told Octavia mere minutes ago, she wasn’t interested, so why did those words sting?

Alicia is jarred out of her thoughts as the truck comes to an abrupt stop, Octavia throws it into park and pulls out the radio, not taking her eyes off of Alicia for a moment while she speaks into it. 

“Hey gorgeous, do me a favor and close the gate to garage three? I’ll be up shortly with Elyza and…shit, where are my manners, you got a name there green eyes?”

“Uhh…Alicia. Alicia Clark.”

“Oh, christ. I’ll be up shortly with Elyza Lex and Alicia Clark. Go ponder that one.”

The radio silence is expected, but she gets her answer when the garage is filled with a metallic clanking sound as the gate descends from the ceiling at the entrance, locking into place in the ground. 

“Let’s go. Help me with blondie, will ya?” Octavia turns the truck off and hops out, opening the back door to pull Elyza out with Alicia’s help. 

 

The two girls hoist Elyza out of the truck and into the elevator at the end of the parking garage. Octavia bends down, placing two fingers on Elyza’s jugular, praying for a pulse. A sigh of relief tells Alicia that the blonde is still alive. 

“Oh thank god. She’s out cold, but her heart’s still beating.”

When the elevator dings, signaling they’ve made it to the ninth floor, Octavia wraps her arms under Elyza’s, preparing to drag her out. When the doors open, Raven is waiting for the trio. 

“I’d help carry her, but since you’re standing around on two good legs doing nothing, I’ll let you take care of that.” Raven nods at her braced leg and then stares at Alicia. The girl takes the hint, reaching for Elyza’s legs. 

“Put her on the table, O. I already called Abby, she’s on her way up to check her out.”

“Abby?” Alicia looks at Octavia, wondering about the fourth member she had never mentioned. 

“Oh, right, Abby is Elyza’s mom. She’s a doctor. I didn’t mention her before because, well she and Elyza have a...” she’s cut off by a door slamming open.

“Damn it Elyza! What did I tell you girls about letting her run off on her own?!”

“…difficult relationship.” Octavia finishes her thought as Abby pushes past the girls, throwing her medical bag on the table next to Elyza. 

“Ms. Griffin, she’s fine, she just hit her head.” 

“Raven, I’m the doctor, I’ll determine whether she’s fine or not. Now let me work.”

The two girls usher Alicia into a separate room, offering her a seat on what looks to be a very expensive couch. 

Alicia takes a moment to process her surroundings. The room looked like a control center of sorts. TVs lined the walls, each one tapped into a different street camera. She couldn’t help but be impressed. These girls had managed to set up an entire post-apocalyptic operating base in a matter of months. Engineering genius didn’t even begin to describe Raven’s obvious talents. 

“Raven, meet Alicia, she’s a ‘straight shooter’, so be on your best behavior.” Octavia makes quotations in the air with her hands as she speaks. 

“Ha! I’ve seen her shoot. She can’t shoot straight to save her life...literally,” Raven chuckled at her own joke, the other two not finding her as amusing.

“I’m Raven, the funny, good-looking one of the group.” She says, leaning forward on her good leg, extending a hand to Alicia.

“Nice to put a face to the voice, thanks for your help back there.”

“Anything for Elyza.” Raven takes a seat in the chair behind a giant wooden desk. 

Octavia notes the timid look on the new girl’s face.

“You’re pretty confused huh?” Alicia only nods in response.

“Alright girl, get comfy and hold all questions until the end, cus here comes the rundown. Elyza, Raven, and I were childhood friends before the whole world went to hell. The day it happened, Elyza and I were visiting Raven in the hospital,” Octavia points to Raven’s leg as she sticks it out from behind the desk, “she broke her back in a car accident, luckily leaving only one leg paralyzed. It was the day she was supposed to be discharged, so Elyza and I wanted to be there to bring her home. Well, that plan changed pretty quickly when we saw bodies falling past her hospital room window and heard screaming down the hall. When Abby came running into the room with a surgical knife and blood covering her scrubs, we knew something was horribly wrong,” Octavia pauses to look at the woman in the other room, “she told us about her patient who had died on the table but then woke up and attacked the nurse. Elyza, being the badass of the group, ordered us to get our shit together and managed to lead us out to my truck. We were only able to make it this far. It was chaos. Everyone was trying to evacuate the city, but it only backed things up. We found the parking garage to hide in for a few days and finally decided to wander up here once the initial mayhem had died down. Raven used her genius to set up shop here and eventually got us tied into the traffic cams all over the city. Elyza wanted to help those who were left alive in the city by taking them in, but Abby told her it was too dangerous. After about a month or so, Elyza got so fed up that she stormed out and found somewhere else to live. We all agreed to use this place to help protect anyone who was left out there. The whole fifth floor is set up as living quarters. We only have a few guests right now. Most people decide to move on, either in search of family or a permanent safe zone, as if there are any of those left these days. Elyza and I meet up in the city for recon and restock missions. Raven monitors from here and acts as our eye in the sky. Abby mostly just likes to pretend we’re not doing any of it, but she reluctantly patches us up when we need it. Lately we’ve seen less and less survivors. You’re the first to show up in two months.”

“You just met me. Why are you telling me all this?”

“Well, green eyes, when the end of the world came, the entire spectrum of good and evil came out of the woodwork. Unfortunately, it was most commonly evil rearing its ugly head. People are pretty fucked up when all of a sudden there are no rules and it’s every man, woman, and child for themselves. We not only saw the evil people committed, but we heard about it from every person we encountered out there. We want you to know that, although we may be chaotic, we’re a chaotic good. Trust doesn’t come easily these days, which makes it an awkward first week when you bring someone in and neither of you know whether the other is going to become your new best friend or kill you in your sleep. So, we’ve found that being open and honest upfront allows that trust to develop a little quicker.”

“Well, don’t worry, I won’t stay long. I’m one of those people who will leave in search of their family.” Alicia sinks back into the couch. This wouldn’t be a terrible place for them to settle into, but she knows that they’re in that group of stubborn people who think there’s still a safe, unaffected area left in the world.

“We certainly won’t stop you. We’ve tried that before and it hasn’t gone over well,” Raven sighs, thinking back to when she tried to stop Finn from leaving, “but you should at least stay until Elyza wakes up, that way you can thank her for sticking her neck out for you.”

“She doesn’t have to thank me for anything.” Elyza leans on the doorway, her eyes squeezed shut as she rubs her head. 

“You’re alive!” Octavia runs over to her friend, wrapping her arms around her waist. 

“Be gentle, she may be awake, but she took a hard hit. It took a solid handful of smelling salts to wake her up. She probably has a concussion, we’ll need to take shifts making sure she stays awake today.” Abby’s disapproving look towards the group shifts to the new girl in the room. 

“Ahh, so you must be the girl my daughter almost died for today. I’m Abby, and you better believe she won’t be pulling a stunt like that again, so you should probably learn to protect yourself from here on out.”

“Mom, if you have a problem, you can take it up with me. In the meantime, leave our guests alone.” Elyza opens her eyes long enough to glare in her mother’s direction. 

“Fine, I know when I’m not welcome. You three need to stop pulling these stunts, one of these days I may not be around to help patch you up afterwards.” As Abby steps out the door, she squeezes Elyza’s arm, giving the girls one last pleading look. She wishes they’d give up this suicidal mission to save everyone in the world. 

“I vote new girl takes first shift watching Elyza,” Octavia suggests, grabbing Raven’s arm, dragging her out of her chair and to the door. 

“Yeah, we’ve got ‘things’ to do,” Raven winks at Alicia and the girl chuckles, “but seriously, I need to work on rigging a new trap at Pacific and 7th thanks to you two.” The two dark haired girls head into the room next door to work on Raven’s project, but mostly to give the other girls some much needed time to talk. 

Elyza slowly pads her way to the now unoccupied chair that Raven had been sitting in. She plops herself down, rubbing her temples with her thumb and forefinger. When she looks up, she sees timid green eyes meeting her blue. Her heart feels as though it shatters inside her and she sighs, attempting to release some of the tension in her mind. She tries, and fails, to convince herself it’s caused by the concussion and not by the girl sitting in front of her. She takes a deep breath in, but before she can speak, she’s cut off. 

“You’re the one who killed three hundred zombies.” The girl looks simultaneously frightened and appreciative. Elyza sits back in her chair and takes a minute to compose her thoughts. This moment feeling all too familiar. She finally decides on a response. 

“You’re the one who led them to me.”


	4. Love Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elyza and Alicia finally get some alone time. Unfortunately, Elyza realizes this is going to be so much harder than she expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any and all of you who have stuck with me and this fic are far too good of people. I suck at updating and I promise I'm trying to make writing in general more of a priority in my life. I appreciate the fact that there's still some of you out there reading this. You need to be way more mean to me about getting updates though. If you berate me in the comments I'll feel bad and give you more content. So, I guess what I'm saying is feel free to say mean things to get me to do stuff for you guys. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, more to come soon in the future.

Alicia sits up in her chair, putting herself on the defensive, thinking that Elyza was actually angry about the hoard that she had drawn into her neighborhood. 

“I didn’t know that you were there! To be honest, I thought that everyone in this area was dead. I hadn’t seen a living person since crossing the border, that is until I ran into you.”

“Hey, hey, calm down, I was just teasing you. How long have you been on your own?” Elyza’s train of thought immediately defers to one of worry. This girl may have been able to fight off trained warriors in her past life, but judging by the frail figure that sits before her now, Alicia is a vastly different person than Lexa was. At least on the outside. Elyza sits silently, secretly hoping that there is some piece of Lexa left in Alicia, even if it’s not the piece that loved her in a past life. 

“A month. I think. I lost count after the first week,” Alicia thinks back to the miserable hike across the desert. Mexico had proven itself to be no safer than California. 

“When my family became separated in the chaos of the latest zombie overrun, I headed in the direction of what I knew to be home. It took me a while to make it back across the border. Mexico is a wasteland too, in case you were wondering.”

Elyza’s heart ached for the girl. She could see the pain behind her eyes. The brunette was finally able to experience a family in this life, only to have them torn from her. Still, she thinks to herself, anything is better than having Titus as a father figure. A new fire burns in her chest at the memory of the man responsible for Lexa’s death. 

“Where’s your family now?” Alicia visibly winces at the question. 

“I have no idea. I wish I could say they were looking for me, but I’m not Nick. I’ll never be the priority.”

“Nick?” 

“My brother. My mother turns the world upside down to find him whenever he goes missing. I can’t say she’d do the same for me.”

“I would,” Alicia’s eyebrow raises in response to the blonde’s matter-of-fact statement, “I mean, if I was her,” Elyza stumbles to cover for being too forward, “parents are supposed to treat their children the same.”

Alicia laughs at Elyza’s simplification of parenthood.

“You must be an only child.”

“Well, yeah, but parents aren’t supposed to have favorites right?”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t stop it from happening. Anyway, that’s enough psychoanalysis for me for one day. I don’t mean to be rude, but do you have anything to eat around here? I’m starving.” Elyza jumps to her feet, the chair rolling out from under her and only stopping as it bumps against the wall behind her. 

“Shit! Where are my manners? Of course, follow me, I’ll show you around.” Elyza extends a hand to the girl on the couch. Alicia hesitantly takes it and is pulled up to her feet, leaving her face-to-face mere inches away from the blonde. She would’ve been able to feel Elyza’s breath on her face. That is if Elyza had actually been breathing.  
Elyza could feel her own heart beating so fast she thought it might burst out of her chest. She wanted nothing more than to grab Alicia’s face and kiss her right there. Her dreams had haunted her long enough, she was finally standing face to face with her soulmate and all she had to do was lean forward a couple of inches. Instead she froze. 

The green eyes gazing back at her weren’t Lexa’s. There was an emptiness to them, a void yet to be filled with knowledge of a past life. This girl had no idea what they meant to each other and that hurt more than any pain Elyza had felt in her entire life. Her heart felt as though it were bursting into a million pieces. What did she do to deserve the cruel fate of being the only half of a whole to remember their painful past? In that moment she wanted to wipe away the knowledge of her and Lexa’s previous life. She wanted to finally be rid of the pain. What a cruel joke to have the love of all of her lives standing in front of her with no knowledge of who she was. 

“Elyza?” The soft voice snaps her out of her musings. 

“Uhh, yeah,” she takes a step back, not yet breaking eye contact with Alicia, not wanting to ever have to, “sorry, right this way. I’ll show you the kitchen first.” Alicia pauses, watching Elyza trod off in front of her, head slightly hung, before following her out the door to the elevator. 

“Where ya goin?” Octavia hops off the table to leave Raven to her tinkering. 

“Kitchen. Gonna get this girl some grub.” Elyza gestures towards Alicia with her thumb as she walks past Octavia. When she’s stopped by a strong grip on her bicep she tries to pull away. 

“Hey,” Octavia pulls Elyza back for a moment, quickly looking to Alicia, “go ahead sweet cheeks, I just need to check on Elyza’s head real quick.”

Alicia nods and continues towards the elevator. Octavia turns to Elyza again. 

“I know that face. Be careful with this one Elyza,” she squeezes the blonde’s arm affectionately before letting go. 

As much as she wants to scoff at Octavia, some part of her knows she’s right. Every part of her wants to throw herself at Alicia, in the hopes of making her remember. But she knows better than that. She can’t stand living another lifetime without this woman, but living another lifetime with this woman not knowing who she is would be so much more painful. 

She steps hesitantly into the elevator, pausing to look at Alicia before pressing the button for the fifth floor. The doors close and Elyza puts her hands in her pockets, softly swaying forward and back on the balls of her feet. 

“So…umm…,” she awkwardly gestures toward the elevator doors with one hand, “I uhh, I’m sorry about them, they can be a bit much.”

Alicia realizes the girl must be referring to her friends and feels a hint of second hand embarrassment. 

“No, no, they’re great. A bit forward. But I really appreciate everything you guys have done for me. Especially you.” It’s Alicia’s turn to awkwardly gesture towards Elyza. The blonde stops her swaying and shrugs her shoulders. 

“It was worth it,” she replies. She immediately scolds herself. Don’t get too close. But, when she looks up she swears she can see Alicia blushing, even in the dimly lit elevator. 

Alicia could feel the heat rising in her face and finds herself lost in a sea of blue. It may have just been the rare momentary feeling of safety in this fucked up world, but Elyza’s eyes feel like home, and Alicia lets herself get lost in them. A wave of comfort washes over her completely and for some reason she catches herself wanting to melt into this girl. 

The ding of the elevator accompanied by the loud creaking of the doors opening snaps Alicia out of it. Once again, Elyza lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. 

“After you.” Alicia steps out admiring the setup in front of her. 

“How did you guys get all of this?” Several lines of bunk beds fill the room, some are occupied by strangers, but most appear to be empty. 

“We’re resourceful. We used to have more guests, but like I said, a lot of people left in search of something. Here, follow me, I’ll show you the kitchen.” Elyza leads her through a door in the back of the main room, splitting off into a surprisingly nice kitchen setup. 

“What’re you in the mood for?” Elyza grabs a couple cans off the shelf, holding them up to show Alicia, “Peas? Carrots?”

“Umm, carrots please.”

“Good choice,” Elyza strolls slowly towards the fridge, opening it and pulling out a paper wrapped item. Alicia’s head tilts, trying to make out what’s inside.

“It’s fish, you don’t mind fish do you?” Elyza suddenly feels bad for not asking first. 

“Real protein? Of course I don’t mind. That’s incredible.” Alicia exclaims. 

Elyza offers Alicia a small wooden stool, pulling it up to the counter, and proceeds to make quick work of cooking the fish on the small stovetop. Alicia watches as the blonde loosens up a bit as she’s cooking, her shoulders becoming more relaxed and her gestures larger as she half talks to herself and half talks to Alicia. 

“You know, it’s kind of nice to have someone new around. I’ve gotten so used to only spending time with Raven and Octavia that a new face is a welcome distraction. Plus, I have to admit I appreciate being dragged back here. My place was getting pretty lonely. Except for Bear. He’s a real great guy, my main man, my cuddle buddy, my protector.” A large grin sweeps across Elyza’s face as she thinks about her furry best friend. 

“Bear?” Alicia contorts her face in confusion, she thought she recalled Octavia telling her that all three of the girls were, well, not exactly into guys. Elyza turns to face her, placing two plates on the counter before carefully serving up the fish. 

“My dog. He’s a German Shepherd and a big loveable fluffball.” She dumps half of the carrots onto one plate and the rest onto the second plate, the smile never leaving her face. Elyza pushes one plate closer to Alicia, all while rummaging in a drawer before brandishing a fork for the girl. 

“Ohhh, your dog,” Alicia feels a small spark of jealousy dissipate, “Cute. Thank you.” Alicia spares no time demolishing the plate of food in front of her. She can’t remember the last time she’s eaten anything that didn’t come from a trashcan. 

Elyza watches in amazement as she slowly makes her way through her own plate, saving the fish for last so she can savor it. When both girls are finished, Elyza swiftly washes the dishes and puts them all away to dry. 

“So,” she pauses, looking Alicia up and down, “want to see the coolest room in the building?”

“There’s a cooler room than the impressive control setup that Raven has upstairs?”

“Much cooler. One might even call it majestic. It’s my favorite place to go when I want to forget the outside world.”

“I could use a place like that.” Alicia sighs, wanting nothing more than a place to escape to in order to forget that everything was in shambles beyond these walls. 

“Come on,” without thinking, Elyza grabs Alicia’s hand and leads her back to the elevator. She presses the button for the first floor and leans against the back wall, an ear-to-ear grin plastered across her face. 

“What’re you smiling about?”

“You’re gonna love it. Just wait.” The elevator dings and the doors open to a massive entryway. Alicia’s eyes are wide and her jaw drops to the floor. 

“Oh my god Elyza. It’s incredible.” She slowly pads out of the elevator, her gaze scanning the sight in front of her. The main lights are off, but shades of light blue dance around the room, the result of the backlighting of the massive tank shining through the water that filled it. The tank stretches at least fifty feet high, almost reaching the tall ceiling. Two whale sharks circle their way around the tank and are surrounded by ten or so manta rays and a plethora of other small fish. Majestic didn’t even begin to describe it. She hadn’t seen such beauty in the world since before the infection spread. She hadn’t had time to look for beauty anywhere else. Alicia slowly makes her way to the edge of the glass, putting one hand against it, almost as if trying to reach out and touch the fish. Elyza watches the wonderment spread through the girl standing in front of her, her heart fills with the knowledge that even for one moment, Alicia was able to feel happiness in this world. When Alicia speaks, Elyza never takes her eyes off of the brunette. 

“I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.”

Elyza burns the image of the girl in front of her into her mind. Her slender tan body, her long brown hair that is draped over one shoulder, eyes as green as an emerald, a smile that could light up the entire room. 

“I know.” And for a moment Elyza feels like she’s finally found her place in this world. Right next to this woman.

“What is this place?”

“It used to be an aquarium. We had to clear it out of all the infected and use a few of the other tanks as a food source. But we’ve tried our best to keep this one stable. There’s something to be said about maintaining beauty and art in a world that is crumbling around you. It just feels important to preserve it.” 

“I can see why you like coming here.”

“Yeah, well, now you know my secret spot when I want to be alone.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Alicia playfully winks at the blonde. Elyza chuckles but her face quickly turns serious again.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what do you want to know?”

What does she want to know? Everything. She wants to know if Alicia recognizes her, if she has the same dreams she does, if she has to relive her own death the way Elyza does. She wants to know if her heart feels full when they’re standing next to each other, if she feels like her body has electricity flowing through it every time they touch, if she feels like she’s finally in a place of peace. But looking into those green eyes, Elyza knows that the answer to all of those questions is no. So she defers to a simpler question. 

“How did you survive so long on your own? No offense, but I mean, you’re kind of scrawny.” Elyza wants to take back the question when she sees how offended Alicia looks. 

“Scrawny?! Sorry, not all of us can be dual shotgun wielding, baseball bat swinging, motorcycle riding badasses like you. Don’t underestimate me, Miss…”

“Lex.”

“Miss Lex. I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Maybe if you weren’t such an asshole, I’d be willing to show you some of them.” With that, Alicia storms off towards the elevator, Elyza close behind. 

“Come on! I didn’t mean it like that. Where are you going?!”

“To bed. Fifth floor right? Thanks for the tour, Elyza.” The elevator doors close in Elyza’s face and she’s alone again, wondering how she let herself mess that one up. She knew Lexa was a big softy underneath it all, but man that Alicia sure is sensitive.


End file.
